top of page
Young Lovers
Arbour_Leaf_orange.png

Relationship 

Counselling

in Victoria BC


Why
Relationship Counselling?

 

Drawn Logo Outline Orange.png
Coworkers

We are meant to love, and we are meant to be connected.  Connection with the people we love brings belonging, meaning, joy, purpose  But let's face it.  In real relationships pain will eventually surface.  That's because all worthwhile growth has some element of stretching, breaking, and releasing to it.  And we might call it worthwhile because the point of this kind of growth is to arrive at a deeper place of connection, of satisfaction, of contentedness, of meaning, of less suffering.  It seems we are not meant as human beings to exist in a vacuum or in isolation.  We are a relational people, and we flourish best in community.  Paradoxically, part of flourishing within community requires that we also are settled enough in our own skin.  We can't healthfully contribute to or receive from others unless we at some level know ourselves.  The more we like ourselves, the more grounded we are in our own bodies, hearts, minds, and spirits, the more joy we'll offer and receive from others that we love and the world in general.

At Arbour Counselling, we receive a lot of people through our doors who are struggling in some way or another in their relationships.  "For whatever reason", we often hear, "we have huge arguments that often start from the stupidest things."  A struggle to effectively communicate is probably the most commonly shared experience among couples, and it's tricky to make progress when we are already so bogged down with other stressors like families, jobs, chores, and a myriad of responsibilities.  How do we find the time to work on this?  It's hard enough to make time for things we enjoy, much less make time to work on something that seems fraught with landmines.  This is where we often congratulate couples and families who have somehow made time to schedule an appointment to come see a counsellor.  This step symbolizes so much because it is a step toward a hoped for improvement, and it means that you each care.  The presence of conflict means that you care.

Why use counselling to chip toward improvement in your relationships?  Well, for one, it offers a space where you'll be received without judgment.  Whatever it is you are experiencing, our counsellors will work to create a space of safety to hopefully begin talking about real things.  We usually behave better when we're in the presence of a third party, and it can often be very useful to hear your partner describe their point of view to another person in a state of less agitation.  It it also quite affirming to hear your own perspective validated.  Our goal in providing this safe space is not necessarily to save the relationship.  We don't have the power to do that.  But we can nurture an environment that is respectful, curious, and honouring to both of you.  We want to help you talk about your shared issues because that will help you uncover things you may already know, skills you already have, and gifts you already contribute.

"When circumstances cannot be changed, we all need companionship, empathy, encouragement, and care."

Couple's Portrait

When depressive feelings are connected to unprocessed or unresolved grief, the themes and conversations in counselling will likely turn toward unpacking and reflecting on the loss through grief counselling.

Drawn Logo Outline Orange.png

How can an Arbour therapist help with depression?

Most people who are experiencing depression can be helped with the support of counselling.  Meeting with a trained psychotherapist can be a helping link to pull together a set of tools to manage the mood disruption.  A therapist is someone who works with you to unpack the themes that may be contributing to a depressive episode.  Many people experiencing depression feel isolated and exhausted, and having an objective and caring person to help can often offer hope.  A therapist will work with you to identify what things you can practically do, can journey with you and alongside you as you tell your story, and can help you process vulnerable areas.  Often depression has underlying roots of grief or loss that we have pushed down as a way to initially cope.  While these coping mechanisms are a normal and healthy part of how our body manages stressful situations, trauma, and loss at the time, our bodies also need ways to make deeper sense of things as we gain some distance from the inciting circumstances.  Counselling goals for depression often entail visiting these vulnerable places with new eyes, support, safety, and a greater hope.

"Counselling is a space where we can be exactly wherever we are. We can say whatever needs to be said..."

Couple in love

Sometimes, medication can be part of the toolset that helps alleviate depressive feelings.  When depression closes the window down to the degree that you feel less able to function in your everyday activities, an antidepressant medicine such as a Selective Serotonine Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) can help open the darkness and offer clarity.  SSRIs are prescribed by Medical Doctors, but your therapist can help you identify whether talking to a doctor about depression may be a good step.  While medicine can help open a window of clarity, a counselling space offers a way to work to go deeper to understand and process the root causes and contributors in a safe, empathic, and supportive environment.  Often, a doctor will appreciate a second set of eyes on the situation, and at Arbour we are willing and able to talk with your doctor or provide you with a letter for a walk-in clinic that describes the themes we are seeing that led to the recommendation to speak to the doctor about medications.

Senior Couple

Arbour therapists
who offer relationship
counselling...

Drawn Logo Outline Orange.png
IMG_optimized (1)_edited.jpg

Calvin Black on

Relationship Counselling

I'm a paragraph. Click here to add your own text and edit me. It's easy.

Liz_optimized_edited.jpg

Liz Prette on

Relationship Counselling

I'm a paragraph. Click here to add your own text and edit me. It's easy.

bottom of page