Understanding Denial in Abuse
Survivors of abuse often face denial as a coping mechanism, either from the abuser, others around them, or even societal systems. The use of denial can minimize the magnitude of the abuse and deflect emotional responses, making it difficult for the survivor to receive proper validation and support. In this article, we explore the six forms of denial in abuse, how they impact survivors, and why it’s important to address these issues to help individuals heal.
What Is Denial in Abuse?
Denial is a psychological defense mechanism that helps people cope with painful emotions. In cases of abuse, it can be used to shift blame, avoid responsibility, and re-victimize the survivor. In my previous article, What Is Emotional Abuse? I discussed how one person can be affected by the influence of a more powerful individual. While power can be used for good and generosity, we are also aware of how some use it to harm and destroy others.
When abuse of power occurs, the abuser, the survivor, or others involved may resort to minimization to avoid confronting the true consequences of the abuse. Denial is used to shift blame, conceal the real impact, or re-victimize the survivor.
Denial is used to shift the blame, hide the real impact, or re-victimize the victim.
Understanding how minimization and denial are used can help us recognize when someone is using their power to evade the reality of abuse
The 6 Common Forms of Denial in Abuse
Abusers may use denial of responsibility to avoid accountability for their actions. They may claim that the abusive behavior was an accident or justify it by attributing it to stress, alcohol, or a bad day.
Denial of injury occurs when the abuser dismisses the harm caused, either by claiming that it didn’t cause significant pain or that it was a reaction to something the survivor did.
3. Denial of a Person's Rights
This form of denial occurs when survivors are told that they deserve the abuse. Many abusers manipulate their victims into believing that they invited the mistreatment.
4. Denial by Limiting Others
This type of denial occurs when an outsider, like a therapist or social worker, attempts to intervene, the abuser may attack or dismiss them, further reinforcing the cycle of denial.
5. Denial Through Love and Loyalty
In this form of denial, survivors may minimize the abuse due to their deep love and loyalty towards the abuser. Survivors often justify the abusive behavior because they want to preserve the relationship.
6. Denial Through “Good” Behavior
A form of denial through limiting others occurs when someone outside the situation attempts to help, and in response, the abuser blames or attacks the potential intervener. Abusers often question or dismiss professionals such as doctors, teachers, counselors, or social workers as a way to avoid confronting the impact of their behavior.
Overcoming Denial and Minimization in Abuse
Over the years, I've observed many people resorting to various forms of denial. It's often clear that most individuals are trying to avoid confronting the true impact and consequences of abuse. Perpetrators attempt to shift blame and maintain the status quo, while vulnerable individuals seek change but fear losing relationships, security, or other promises the abuser may offer. Denial becomes a powerful tool for preserving the current situation, but unfortunately, for the abused, it obscures the need for real change.
Time and again, I witness individuals engaging in conversations and other forms of resistance because they are determined to end the abuse. Whether through avoidance, problem-solving, conflict resolution, seeking help, creating safe spaces, or taking steps to leave the abuser, these actions help overcome denial and allow the vulnerable person to distance themselves from the abuse.
Confronting abuse and challenging denial requires immense strength and courage. It often involves a delicate balance between advocating for change and protecting oneself or loved ones from a powerful abuser. We must recognize and support those who have experienced abuse in a way that affirms and nurtures their resilience.
The Role of Society in Addressing Abuse Denial.
While we would all like to imagine that survivors can easily confront abuse on their own, society plays a crucial role in supporting victims. It's important not to re-victimize those who are already vulnerable by blaming them for not standing up to their abuser. We may not fully understand the safety concerns, financial limitations, or other factors that make it challenging for a vulnerable person to confront an abuser.
Ultimately, for a relationship to become safe, the more powerful individual must recognize their misuse of power, take responsibility, and seek help to change their approach to the relationship. However, as long as the abuse is denied or minimized, such acknowledgment is unlikely.
When Separation Becomes Necessary
If the abuse of power is recognized and honestly addressed, there is hope for change. Sometimes, the only viable option for vulnerable individuals is to temporarily separate themselves from the abuse. This distance can provide the clarity needed to see how power has been misused and how the abuse has been minimized through denial.
If the abuse of power can be seen for what it is and honestly addressed, there is hope for change.
In some cases, this distance may lead both abusers and survivors to acknowledge areas where they can work toward a healthier relationship. Understanding power dynamics and changing behavior requires intentional effort and hard work. The complexities are many, but if we are committed to facing the truth of the abuse, it can be acknowledged and addressed rather than denied or ignored.
I’ve had the privilege of helping many individuals recognize when an abuse of power has been downplayed. This awareness is a courageous step toward fostering healthier relationships and creating a better way of life.
Seeking Professional Help for Abuse and Denial
If you think that you or someone else is affected by the denial and minimization of abuse, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
else is affected by the denial and minimization of abuse, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
Liz Prette, M.A., RCC, has spent over 20 years helping individuals and couples recognize and navigate the dynamics of power misuse in relationships.
Read more about Liz Prette here.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is denial in the context of abuse?
Denial in abuse is a defense mechanism used to avoid facing the truth of abusive behavior. It minimizes the impact, shifts blame, or re-victimizes the survivor, making it harder to acknowledge and address the abuse.
2. What are the six common forms of denial in abuse?
Denial of Responsibility: The abuser blames external factors (e.g., stress, alcohol).
Denial of Injury: The abuser downplays the harm caused.
Denial of a Person’s Rights: The survivor is made to feel they deserve the abuse.
Denial by Limiting Others: The abuser dismisses intervention from outsiders.
Denial Through Love and Loyalty: Survivors minimize the abuse to preserve the relationship.
Denial Through “Good” Behavior: The abuser justifies abuse by highlighting other good actions.
3. How can denial in abuse be overcome?
Overcoming denial involves recognizing the abuse and taking action, such as seeking help or setting boundaries. It takes courage, but it’s vital for healing and healthier relationships.
4. Why do some survivors of abuse remain in denial?
Survivors may fear losing relationships, security, or benefits. Emotional attachment to the abuser may also cause them to minimize the abuse.
5. How does society play a role in addressing denial in abuse?
Society must offer support and not blame survivors. Recognizing safety concerns, financial challenges, and other barriers is key to helping survivors confront abuse.
6. When might separation from the abuser be necessary?
Separation can help survivors gain clarity, recognize abuse, and reassess the relationship. It can provide the distance needed to address the situation.
7. How can I seek professional help for dealing with denial in abuse?
If you’re affected by denial in abuse, seek help from any of the seasoned arbour therapists or counselors experienced in handling power dynamics in relationships.
8. Why is it important to confront denial in abuse?
Confronting denial breaks the cycle of abuse and helps both survivors and abusers address harmful behaviors, leading to healthier relationships and lasting change.